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  1. If you're married or otherwise in a committed relationship, you probably want to express your love to your spouse or partner. However, there are occasions when we feel that our displays of affection are ignored or misinterpreted. Simply said, you and your spouse can communicate in different "love languages." According to the Love Language theory, when a partner shows them love in their preferred "language," the recipient feels the most cherished. Understanding the love language of your partner will help you better understand how they express and accept love. Four of the Five Love Languages Gift-Giving, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, and Quality Time are the five different categories of love languages. Discover what your love language says about you, your partner, and your relationship by continuing to read. Gift-Giving The gift-giving language is as straightforward as it seems, but it is frequently misunderstood. If you speak this love language, it signifies that you prefer physical gestures over spoken expressions of love. Whether it's a cheap key chain or a pricey string of pearls, both convey the same message: "I care about you and am thinking about you." The fundamental essence of gift-giving isn't opulence, it's sentiment, whether your partner gives you pearls as a token of their love on your 30th anniversary or flowers just because they cared. If receiving gifts makes you feel appreciated, you will value them no matter how modest they are or the occasion. Never forget your anniversary or your partner's birthday if you both speak the same language; these occasions are significant to them and they will probably be offended if you do. Small acts of kindness, such as buying chocolates on an arbitrary day or having their preferred meal delivered to their workplace, can express your love. Or, if your lady enjoys being outside, choose a gift for her travels. Service Efforts The proverb "actions speak louder than words" has probably crossed your mind. The Acts of Service love language is based on this phrase. Acts of Service are probably your preferred love language if you value deeds above words. Even if it's just making you coffee in the morning or bringing you your favourite croissant for breakfast—or a more extravagant romantic gesture like giving you breakfast in bed—you undoubtedly enjoy and appreciate all the little things your partner does for you. Love is sensed by obvious behaviors, not goods, unlike someone who expresses love through giving gifts. If this describes you, you probably like when your partner shows their love by providing thoughtful assistance and support, like packing your lunch when you have a full day or making a clean bed and placing your favorite cologne on your pillow. If you have a feeling that your partner expresses love through acts of service, consider how you might make their life better by seeking out little gestures that will make them smile. You might cook them their favorite meal, clean their car on short notice, or deliver ice cold beverages to them after a hot day's labor at a construction site. Physical Touch If physical touch is your preferred method of communication, you will enjoy both intimate and non intimate touch more than verbal praise or material gifts. You value gestures like a hug, kiss, or handshake very highly. You undoubtedly enjoy cuddling with your lover and see it as a wonderful way to deepen your connection. Create emotional connection with your spouse through touch if physical touch is your preferred method of communication. And you value every little touch that comes your way. After a long day at work, a kiss from your partner can instantly help you release the day's tension and boost you. Give your lover a huge embrace when they get home from work to show them how much you care if their love language is likewise physical touch. A careless shoulder rub, a lengthy kiss, or cuddling together to watch a movie would also be wonderful ways to express your affection. Words of Affirmation Words of Affirmation are encouraging phrases that express your love for your spouse. They are compliments and words of support meant to lift someone up and make them feel valued and cherished. Words of Affirmation may be your preferred method of communication if you are a sensitive person who values language. You would likely be the first to notice your partner's tone of speech or inquire about a coworker's ailing mother. Words mean more to you than material things do. Your day can be completely changed by a simple "you are the best" or "I couldn't have done this without you." You have a way with words and a talent for finding the perfect phrase to make people feel better. People tend to seek out those who speak this language for advice because they are frequently excellent communicators. Showing your lover that you understand how they are feeling and empathize will mean a lot if their preferred love language is Words of Affirmation. Positive words fulfill your partner with this love language, so take advantage of the chance to compliment, value, and uplift them. And tell them you love them often. Quality Time The focus of the Quality Time love language is spending uninterrupted time with your partner. Probably regardless of the activity, you enjoy your partner's companionship if this is your love language. When your partner makes an effort each day to set aside time only for you, they are showing you the kind of love that makes you feel the most appreciated. You value quality time with your partner more than flattery, presents, or physical contact. You love spending time with your partner doing activities such as riding, boating, hiking, eating supper together, talking about your day (eye contact strengthens connection), and so on. These kinds of activities give you a sense of worth, significance, and comprehension. However, many people may find it difficult to fully introduce themselves or to listen intently, especially in this high-tech age. If quality time is your preferred method of communication, you might find it offensive if your spouse becomes preoccupied with their phone while you're speaking to them. You'll probably get annoyed by this split focus, and you might even get the impression they don't care about you If you believe that spending quality time with your lover is their preferred method of receiving affection, learn how to do it by being totally present for them. Making eye contact and asking insightful questions are also crucial components of conversation. Don't forget to set aside time just for the two of you, whether it be for a special dinner, a short getaway, or a joint workout at the gym. You may quickly identify your love language by paying close attention to the things that make you feel the most loved. Do you enjoy receiving attention or would you prefer to hear some pleasant words? Is spending time with a close friend or your partner fulfilling? Or do you adore getting gifts of any size? Acts of service may be one of your key love languages if they make you feel cherished, such as when your partner watches the kids so you can go for a run or a coworker stops by Starbucks to bring you your favorite latte. Understanding the many love languages will improve your relationships with others as well as with yourself, your partner, and yourself. 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  2. Swipe Life won't be going anywhere, if there's one thing we learnt during lockdown. Online dating is becoming more and more popular as a way for singles to find a relationship, hookup, or whatever else takes their fancy, but it's not always simple, especially for men. It seems nearly impossible to figure out what to say on Tinder in a time when we're thinking more than ever about respect, inclusivity, and equality. But it shouldn't be, really. What to Say on Tinder Let's face it, flirting, pick-up lines, and internet dating today all appear very different from what they did in the past. The way we interact with women is frequently under investigation, and rightfully so, in the aftermath of high-profile celebrity gaffes, professional slip-ups, and a truly troubling culture of sexual abuse exposed in Canberra. The days of the boy club are unquestionably past, and it's high time we prioritize empathy. But don't let your fear of being mocked prevent you from taking the shot. In fact, Brydon thinks that the worst pick-up line can still work if it is said politely and with respect.` It can absolutely work, and some of them are very funny. The disadvantage of utilizing cheesy pick-up lines is that the person you're using them on may have heard them before and may not appreciate a copy-paste approach, according to her. People appreciate hearing that you have taken note of what makes them unique. So while using a corny line can be amusing and simple, the likelihood that it will fall flat is considerably higher than using a creative or personal approach. Though cheesy, personal is preferable. Read Her Bio It may seem apparent, but the greatest strategy isn't usually to swipe constantly. You need to get to know a female on Tinder if you want your relationship with her to be successful. "Check out their profile in detail! You can get some helpful ideas about what people want to chat about from their images and bios, and you'll receive bonus points for listening, adds Brydon. "Verify that they have the blue Verified tick on their Tinder profile so you know they're the real deal." Pictures Another smart place to start is to use the images for purposes other than simply verifying whether she is attractive. In fact, Brydon thinks asking about the background of her profile photo not only demonstrates your interest but also provides a starting point for conversation. "Conversations may start and continue easily with the use of images. Seek out conversation starters in the picture, such as when they took that memorable vacation or whether they frequently attend live performances and who their favourite artist is. It's harder for someone to start a discussion based on simply selfies, so when choosing your own Tinder photos, try to obtain a mix of locales and activities. Conversation Starters A cold-opener is the worst thing possible. There are several proven ways to lighten the strain and make things less awkward if you're stumped on what to say on Tinder. "I noted on your profile that you like/went to/had experienced...," Brydon advises, and then take it from there. "With any luck, your match will have responded to a Tinder prompt. They function as mini talking points in your profile. Hot tip: employ a prompt to increase your likelihood of getting an opening from a woman. It makes it much simpler to begin a chat. Don’t Even the most frequent expressions are forbidden in Brydon's book, believe it or not. Hey, hello, or hi are all salutations that begin with the letter 'H. There are more interesting ways to establish a relationship, she says, yet it makes for a decent introduction. Ask them what they did in the travel photo on their Tinder profile or if they'd recommend the restaurant in their selfie. Questions are fantastic. The goal is to demonstrate that you are interested in their interests. Creep-Free Compliments The old adage of ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ has been disproven time and time again, so it bears reminding that compliments aren’t off the table. You simply need to make sure what you’re saying isn’t creepy AF. “The key to giving a strong compliment on Tinder is to stick with something non-physical. Avoid compliments like, ‘Great smile’ and 'You're hot’: they’re not fresh. If you want to go to the next level, ask your match for a recommendation or an opinion. People appreciate when you take their opinion seriously, and with consideration.” Keep it Light When it comes to sliding in the DMs, there are definitely nice things to say to a girl and not-so-nice things that come with the best intentions. The easiest way to avoid getting it wrong is to keep their feelings in mind throughout the conversation. “The best way to play it is keep your flirtation respectful – keep it conservative until they’re clear they want to amp it up,” Brydon says. “You are going to get more success with women by sending a picture of a fluffy kitten than something that is less fluffy and more pants based. Think cute, light and fun – not straight to the point.” ‘Future’ Talk Now, the hardest part – transitioning a good conversation into an actual date. A proverbial minefield for online dating – ask too early and you’ll seem overly keen, wait too long and you’ll lose your shot, finding that fine line isn’t easy. “Don’t shoot yourself in the foot and immediately ask your match out– wait until you’ve built up some trust, and you’re less likely to get a ‘no’,” Brydon says. “Show you’re confident and intend to follow through on the date by being specific: "I wish I could have a drink. Would Tuesday after work work? I've been meaning to visit a bar in Fitzroy. Watch their response; if they nod their head or provide an alternate time when they'd be free, that's a good indicator. If they avoid answering, you might want to consider whether your relationship just needs some time or if it's dead in the water. However, the founder of Bad Dates of Melbourne noted that even if everything is played flawlessly, things could still not pan out. It's critical to maintain your composure and not lose your nerve. Confidence is quite appealing. The truth is that plans change, people renege, and life is hectic, she claims. "Everyone is turned down. Simply said, put yourself out there, ask the question, and try dating. 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  3. Before you've even said hi, swipe left, swipe right, and super-like. Your chat game needs to be strong if you don't want to be the jerk she screenshots for her WhatsApp group called "why men are dicks," but rather the man she downs shots with on a crazy night out. Here's how to approach a woman on Tinder. Tinder introductions I don't sure why, but saying "Hello" or "Hi" doesn't seem to be enough anymore. Instead, try opening with something slightly bizarre but not creepy. What three ingredients are essential for your ideal fry-up? What is the one thing that everyone else enjoys but not you? Which gif best captures who you are, if you could? even "Favorite dinosaur?" Charm and humor As long as you stay on the right side of sleazy, there is potential for charm. It's not an open mic night, so don't be scared to be hilarious; you don't have to "win." Most males go beyond and either get crude too quickly or attempt to be incredibly arrogant to appear superior. Be yourself. Allow her space to express her personality as well. Oh, and try not to ever be hilariously sexist. Answer all of her inquiries truthfully but with humor. You can be confident because much self-pity can be draining, but don't boast. If you're unsure of the line where arrogance and coquettishness overlap, steer clear of both. How to compliment on Tinder Accuracy in this area might be challenging. Yes, you say, "cracking tits" could be hurled at any random woman in the street by men. To which I would respond, "No, it wasn't easier for women at all; they really didn't like that." There is no universally recognised symbol for "feel free to compliment my breasts using Seventies tabloid-speak," although it is true that some women have no problem with catcalling or very direct, objectifying compliments. However, you can never tell which of these women this is until it is too late. Take extra precautions. I'm afraid saying "I like your eyes" is just saying "beautiful jugs" in new clothes, so try complimenting what you see in their photos instead. Ask where it was taken, compliment them on their attire, comment on how happy or enjoying themselves they appear to be, tell them you've been somewhere similar before, or that it makes you think of anything. You can compliment her appearance or beauty, and she'll probably accept it with grace, but don't say much more than that in casual conversation. Good conversation topics for Tinder Telly, movies, travel, the news (not Trump), your hometown, your job (you can only say three things; don't go all "Here's a PowerPoint of my last three sales conferences"), your ideal weekend, food, especially breakfast items, things you love to hate, style (don't slate hers; save it for the blog), books, writers, and me. Keep most things "up" No complaining. Bad conversation topics for Tinder Telly, movies, travel, the news (but not Trump), your hometown, your job (you can only say three things; don't go all "Here's a PowerPoint of my last three sales conferences"), your ideal weekend, food, especially breakfast items, things you love to hate, style (but don't be a grooming bore; save it for the blog), books, writers, and me. Keep everything mostly "up." Do not complain. Sliding to IRL Asking to go on a date after a few nights of talking is OK. Allow her to choose the time and place so that she feels protected. If she agrees to let you make the decision, consider suggesting a bar or asking her if there is somewhere she has always wanted to go. Talking about the dos and don'ts of specific locations can strengthen relationships; it's comforting to know that others share your dislike for those locations. Keep in mind to always act completely non-creepy. If the chat is drying up She may have ten other chats open, you may be both exhausted, or you may have become bored of hearing about how she used a defibrillator on a sick crab during her gap year. No big deal. Say nothing more than you have to depart, it was pleasant speaking with you, and you hope to catch up soon. The following time you chat, she might have a different attitude. assuming she doesn't stop you. Other stuff you can do: Give your Tinder pics a once-over It's not a recent photo of you wearing a London 2012 T-shirt. Unless they are extremely spectacular, your images shouldn't be more than a year old. Have a female buddy take some for you. Make sure she has a basic understanding of Photoshop. It must resemble you. The only exceptions are photos that are extremely hilarious, overly stylized, or in which you are pictured with a Hollywood A-lister and don't appear to be a contest winner. Even then, two or more of your photographs must be recent. Absolute no-nos: childhood snaps; a pet; football club badges; a random motorbike; leaning on the bonnet of a car; anything involving a “thumbs-up”; you and your ex – unless your ex is the afore-mentioned Hollywood A-lister. 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  4. Twenty years of working in the human services have led me to the realization that we often bring on our own suffering through the individuals we chose. Relationships play a significant role in almost every type of psychological condition that psychologists address. Think on these issues: Do you still feel the same way or have the same issues that you did in previous relationships? Do you often choose partners for romantic relationships or close friends who have harmed you in some way? Do you ever ponder whether there are any "good ones" around? Do you frequently experience emotional upheaval as a result of making bad dating decisions? Many people can identify with these emotions. They feel deficient in their relationships in some way, which makes them wonder how they wind up in the positions they do. They ponder what they did wrong, why they "deserve" to be treated this way, and whether things will ever change. Poor relational decisions are, in reality, self-inflicted, but they may be corrected with a little effort. The majority of people repeatedly choose unhealthy relationships without pausing to consider their choices. They frequently don't think there might be a better method to choose partners and simply assume they are unfortunate. But first, let's look at some of the destructive choices people make. Why is a bad decision bad? Simply put, character. Whether or not someone will make a good partner depends on how they are made up. We are drawn to someone based on their appearance, status, intelligence, or accomplishments. But we see inside of them—their character. What a person would be like in a relationship depends on their personality. They won't be able to be good in relationships if they are unable to perform specific tasks that call for moral character. I've worked with a lot of people over the years, and I've noticed that relationship issues arise when one or both partners can't handle the obligations of a relationship. This is typically a result of their emotional immaturity in particular domains. Unmet basic requirements lead to a lot of suffering, which is the end result. In the remaining sections of this essay, we'll examine four guidelines that can assist you in making moral decisions on whom to date, how to conduct yourself, and how to forge lasting connections. Boundaries Respecting each other's personal limits is a crucial component of any partnership. A boundary is a line on your land that indicates where you stop and someone else starts. Respect is a key component of healthy partnerships, with one party holding the other's "person" in high regard. If you feel free to be in charge of your own person or if you feel invaded or controlled by the other person, that is a sign that someone respects your boundaries. Healthy people accept your want to be in charge of your own actions and what you choose to do or refrain from doing. When you choose not to do something, do they become unreasonable? Can they let you have your space and be apart from them? Do they feel they have the right to control you and do whatever they want with you because they perceive you as an extension of yourself in some way? Think about the following inquiries: Do they exert pressure on you to spend an excessive amount of time with them, or are you free to refuse their requests and still be loved? Do they exert pressure in other areas of a dating relationship, such as the physical one? When you are pushed over your comfort zone, can they hear and respect your "no"? Do they give you the freedom to hold beliefs, values, and preferences that are different from their own? Or do you think you need to "clone" what they want you to be in some way? Do you feel valued for your decisions? Or do you believe that the connection is governed by only one "will"? Do they have "their way or the highway"? Perfectionism The way a partnership manages the flaws of each partner is a further crucial factor. We won't be perfect or find the perfect person to adore in this world. How will each individual handle the flaws in their relationship? Have you ever experienced the pressure to be "perfect" in a relationship? That kind of relationship's consequences might be challenging at best and tragic at worst. You can feel that it's unacceptable to be authentically you, with all of your flaws and defects, and to make mistakes. Perfectionism can be seen in romantic relationships as the pressure to look or act a certain way in order to please your partner. The pressure to not disappoint them or make mistakes can be present in friendships. Being the "trophy" child in parent-child interactions can mean living up to excessive expectations and making a parent happy. Equality The ability for significant others to view you as an equal in the relationship is the final attribute we'll look at. There is a dynamic in difficult partnerships known as "one up/one down." In a partnership, one partner is always required to be the head of household and the "parent." They communicate with each other mostly through "shoulds," telling them what they should and shouldn't do. This works well for parents and young children, but it doesn't work in adult friendships, dating relationships, or marriages when one person isn't respected. 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